Ambassador

 I went to go meet with "the lady at the park". Her name is Jenny Higginbothom and she is truly a Godsend. She is the owner and a trainer at 610FIT. God knew I needed her at this time in my life with the diagnosis that I have my body is in pain and I need help getting my body where it needs to be. I can't even explain in words how awesome it was that God brought us together. When Jenny told me that she wanted to train me I didn't know what to expect. I kind of thought it would be just another workout. Instead, she talked to me about my posture and showed me how to work on having good posture. 

I heard in my healing course to stand strong and let God fight your battles. I questioned that and thought, so we have to stand strong while God fights? I know it was talking about standing strong in the spirit, but it still caught my attention and raised questions. So while I was on a walk I was working on my posture holding my back up straight, shoulders back, head up, and neck straight. It was really uncomfortable because I am such a slouch. I don't know why I'm a slouch. It could be because of the diagnosis I have or it could be because of a very traumatic car accident I was in when I was 15years old. I just remember people saying, "There is no way on God's green earth that you could have survived that accident." So who knows why my body is out of whack, but it is. So, as I was walking I was talking to God about standing strong and asking Him about my posture and why it was important. Why did He bring Jenny into my life to teach me about my posture?  He revealed to me that if I walk around like I am already defeated then I am not doing myself any good. 

I have heard it said that if you are ever in an unfamiliar place and there are strangers around that you need to hold your head up and look them in the eye and that lets them know that you are not afraid. Even though you may be afraid you can't show it because if they see fear they will take advantage of you and hurt you. Carlie Terradez is one of the instructors at Charis Bible College and teaches along with others in Healing University. She stated that "Fear does not have a place in your life anymore. Start to walk in peace and in confidence. Fear will turn into unbelief and hinder us from receiving everything that God has for us." So walking around with my head hanging down and slouched over like I am already defeated is only hurting me and not getting me anywhere.

Jenny also reminded me that when we talk to others about the Lord that they do not see our spirit they see the physical. If you look like you are already defeated then they are thinking what good is it to serve the Lord. 

I am an ambassador sent by God as an official representative for His kingdom. 

The scripture God gave to me this week was "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10. I was up at 3am and God was putting all kinds of stuff on my heart and He gave me that scripture and the next day when I was out running errands I saw that scripture in two different places. God is really teaching me to be still and trust Him. I kind of feel like I am in time out. Not that God is punishing me, but more of a time out from my life. When I was in control and trying to do things my way, I was going in the wrong direction, God is putting me on the right track. God opens and closes doors and if there was ever a door that I wanted to get through I am the person that would be at that door with a crowbar trying to get it open. I thought I knew better than God. There is a post on Facebook where a guy has a mop and a mop bucket and he is trying to mop up the ocean. That is exactly what being a control freak is like. It's pointless and foolish. You will not make any progress and if you do it will not last long. God's promises are forever and He endures forever.

 I have always seemed to struggle with these emotions of anger and sometimes depression. I honestly have gotten myself into trouble because of this anger, but that's not the real me. I don't want to hurt anyone and that is not who God wants me to be. However, God has revealed to me that that anger is a result of me being in control. I would get angry with myself and feel like a failure when things did not go the way I expected them to and it would cause me to lash in anger. I am a much happier person since I surrendered it all to God and have given Him full control of everything.

God has never stopped me from doing what I want to do. He may have thrown in some guidance here and there but He is not a forceful God. I always picture Him doing facepalms or saying, "aye aye aye" when I am doing things my way. When He had seen what I was about to go through with this surgery, I know He stopped everything for a reason. At that point, I had a job and I had the insurance and I probably would have had the surgery by now. 

Despite the mountain I face I assure you that I have never been more at peace or more in love than I am right now.

My story isn't over, my story has just begun.