The Plan

Plan A... Plan B... Plan C...

I am the type of person who needs to know Plan A, B, C, etc... I want to know what my next move is. I found myself at a place where there is no plan and no next move. After being diagnosed with a chronic illness and being fired from my job shortly after I had no place to turn but back to God. It would be easy to blame Him, myself, or others. It would be so easy for me to panic. It would be easy for me to lock myself up in my room and be depressed. However, I had to decide to rise above all that, actually I have to make that decision every day. I had to figure out what my plan is, and I did. The plan is, there is no plan.

I was working the job I thought I wanted and I didn't realize that I had put God in a box. There is a commercial that I see and this lady is driving around in a parking lot looking for a place to park. There is this pirate-looking man that is standing in her sunroof with a small telescope telling her where to go when he sees an open parking spot. Every time I see that commercial I feel God nudging and telling me that's where He needs to be in my life, not in the backseat and not in the trunk. Since I lost what I thought was my dream job, I am looking for things to keep me occupied, to keep me out of my head, and a reason to get up in the morning.

I spend part of my day driving around running errands and listening to K-Love. It was probably a day I was headed to the library and I think it was Scott and Kelli on the air. Kelli was talking about a picture that she saw that touched her and she cried. She said it was a picture of a big papa bear carrying his baby on his back and the scripture that it referenced was " I have made you and I will carry you: I will sustain you and I will rescue you."  Isaiah 46:4 When she said that I knew it was for me. I knew that was God speaking to me; telling me to let Him carry me.

 

I know God is wanting me to fully rely on Him. He wants me to let Him guide me and direct me. This is a challenge for me. I mean a person that needs to know what the plan is has to let go and trust God completely. Before I go to bed at night I make my to-do list for the next day, which consists of: go to HEB for cheese and turkey bacon, go to the library, go for a walk, and put gas. That is all I know about where my life is headed. So this is what they mean when they say, "Just take it day by day"? 

I woke up this morning feeling frustrated and really just wanting to have a pity party. I looked at my list and I started my day out by making my bed and I knew I had to accomplish everything else on my list. Otherwise, I would have stayed in my room all day. I went to the library for a couple of self-help books. I need all the help I can get. I also got my favorite movie, well one of my favorites, "The King's Speech" it is an old one but if you haven't seen it, it is a must-see. The next thing on my list was to go on a walk. I was going to the gym but really felt like I needed to do something else. Something that was going to reconnect or strengthen my connection with God. I want a new direction in my life, I want His direction in my life. I really find my connection with Him in nature.

I grudgingly started my walk, even though I forgot my headphones at home. I usually like to listen to worship music or Joel Osteen's podcast when I walk. However, on the way to the park "Holy Spirit" by Francesca Battistelli was playing on the radio. So I put it on my phone and it was somehow on repeat but I didn't care. I really wanted to hear from God and there is nothing better to get you closer to Him than worshipping. I'm walking along rather slowly and my song is playing and everyone who passed me could hear it. I was really seeking God and praying and this lady came up beside me and commented how she uses these walks as spiritual walks as well and I commented something back to her about the same. As she walked past me and as I was watching her get further away God spoke to me and said that she was going to come back. Before I knew it she turned around and was headed back. She said God told her to come back and ask me what my story was.

I had written the title to my blog several days ago. And as soon as I found myself with no job, no money, no health insurance, and facing this diagnosis that the doctors say that I am needing surgery for; God was pressing that title on my heart. Also, I heard my pastor mention the same title in one of his video chats. He encourages the church to use our stories to reach out and minister to people.

 Even though I woke up feeling down in the dumps, I am going to bed excited about what God is going to do in my life. Everything that has happened from the scripture I heard on the radio to the lady in the park is God saying "I got this. I got you. Let me carry you. I am going to fix everything and make it a hundred times better than before."

God is the author of my story.