Wilderness

Sometimes we get so caught up in doing things the way want, and we are so busy working our 9-5 jobs and in some cases working two jobs, that we can't see or hear God moving in our lives. We are just going through the motions. God calls us to separate ourselves from the world. At different times it could mean different things, it's never easy,  but He wants our attention. Your separation may not look like mine. However, it's a time to listen to God, learn lessons that He wants you to learn, grow, and ultimately be in a continual state of dependence on Him. Sometimes it feels like you are lost in the wilderness and you can't see where you are going. It looks like there is no way out. All you hear God saying is rest and wait. A couple of the lessons God has been working on with me in the last week or so are "just enough", and  "just a little while."

This is a vital part of my story and I know that I am not the only one who has gone through this in some way.  The week before a weekend retreat was a struggle. I was running low on groceries and I felt like I was barely scraping by. I just had to make it to Friday. I was making it work with what I had. It was "just enough" for the week. Well, Friday comes and I find out that there is a hold on my pay, this was frustrating to me because I hate being in this situation. My first thought was I need to go back to work and God was like no you need to depend on Me. I needed to call Jenny and tell her my situation, but I didn't want to because I knew she would have said come anyway. If I would have gone, in the past I would have been stuck in my feelings all weekend and I would not have enjoyed the weekend at the lake house. I would like to think that it would not have been that way this time but I did not want to take a chance. I prayed and asked God what I needed to do. God reminded me that a friend had contacted me earlier in the week to clean her house that weekend. I had told her that I had plans and I was going on a retreat. So, she was gracious enough to pay me in advance. The amount she gave me was "just enough" to get me through the weekend.

I've heard people say that God is a God of abundance. But I believe that there is a season of abundance and a season of just enough. God is my provider in every season that I am in. Even though things are hard and look to me like there is no way out. I will be thankful because I know my God is with me and He will never leave me. He is providing for me and caring for me every step of the way. I know and believe that He will rescue me.

I had a dream that I was arguing with someone and I was saying "But what about this and what about that?" and they were just saying "for just a little while" over and over. A day or two later in a book I was reading, I saw that same phrase, "for just a little while". It's about being obedient and surrendering to a season of training for Godliness and just waiting for a little while. God always comes through, no matter what. He never lies and never changes His mind. He will never let me down.

This time of separation feels like the wilderness. It feels like I am all alone, but I know I am not alone. God is right here with me every step of the way. He is providing for me and caring for me. He is giving me just enough to where it looks and feels like suffering but it is giving me new ways to experience His love and comfort. The comfort in Him saying, it is just for a little while is telling me that I am not going to be in the wilderness forever. Even though this isn't easy, I have never felt so much joy and so at peace with my life as I do right now.

"My ultimate source of provision is God Himself."  #ElijahBiblestudy

"Every single person has a story that will break your heart. And if you're paying attention, many people.... have a story that will bring you to your knees. Nobody rides for free."  ~Brene Brown