Joy

The past 3 months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. There have been days that I am mad at everything and everybody, days that I cry, days that I am in bed and then there are days that I have this joy. It’s an indescribable joy. Why am I happy? Everything that surrounds me feels so big and debilitating. Most days I find it hard to find a reason for hope. At the beginning of my journey, my daughter told me that I looked happier than she had seen me in the past. I had just lost my job, I was facing a serious medical condition and I did not have any money or health insurance, yet I was still happy. At that moment I realized that I was tapping into something that was changing me forever and that it was going to carry me through this journey. It was going to take me over this mountain and all the other mountains that I will face in the future.

One day, I was having a day of mixed emotions. I was asking God about everything I was feeling and going through. Was there an end to this? Was there a light at the end of this tunnel and I was just not seeing it? God reminded me that I’m not in control anymore. Often, I think that I am in control and I start taking back some of the things I surrendered to Him, this makes me feel like I’m stuck because I can’t fix any of my problems. I become stressed out and it makes me an emotional basket-case. When this happens, I must make a conscious decision to live by faith, not by sight, and to praise God through it all.

Choosing faith is hard on most days, especially when you’re in the middle of a battle that seems to have no end. Faith is about letting go of fear and doubt, choosing to have faith, and getting to a place of praise! That’s when that indescribable joy comes. It’s truly amazing to be facing a mountain and to have this joy!

God is the God of miracles, there is no doubt about that. However, we are a microwave generation we want things instantly done for us. Sometimes He takes things piece by piece, step by step, and bit by bit. Just like the pieces on the checkerboard, you can’t take all your pieces and move them at once. Sometimes the game can seem long and grueling, but in order to finish it, you move one piece at a time. God is moving my life one piece at a time; I can feel it and I can see it. Am I being blessed? Am I being healed? Yes, I am! One step at a time. Some days I will go all day wondering and worrying how am I going to make it? Then there is this joy that comes in the morning that carries me through another day.

The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives. ~Russel M. Nelson