The Sleeping Giant

I have been feeling God nudge me to write about Chiari. Chiari is a brain defect and chronic illness. It causes an array of symptoms and everyone is different. My worst symptoms are muscles tension and pain in my neck, shoulders, and upper back, headaches, and fatigue. There are more but those are the worst. I have had all these thoughts about Chiari swirling around in my head for a couple of weeks. I didn’t know what to do with all these thoughts and I feel a little embarrassed to share details of my daily struggle. It is sometimes hard to explain, and a lot of people don’t understand. So, I wrote a little testimony and shared it on the Chiari support page on Facebook.

My Testimony

I am a Chiari warrior. Every day I wake up and I try to have a plan set in motion to have a good day. How am I going to defeat this giant today? Most days I don’t even try. I just pull myself together, the best I can just to get through the day. I try and reserve my energy for the most important things in my life, which are my time with God, time with my kids and grandbabies, and work. I have been depending on and relying on God, more now than I ever have before. He is giving me more and more puzzle pieces. He has carried me through some situations that in the past I would not be able to handle. He has not let me down. God always shows up when we need Him. I know He is putting my life back together one piece at a time. Unfortunately, good days are few and far between. I am always on the hunt for natural remedies and supplements that are going to help me have one more good day. I struggle and have always struggled emotionally, mentally, and physically. The struggle is so real in all three of these areas. It is a constant battle. For years I have often wondered “what is wrong with me.” Now I know it was Chiari all along, a brain defect. All the irrational emotional outbursts and crying for no reason and not being able to pull myself together…. Chiari!! All the pain, fatigue, and struggling to lose weight…Chiari!!! Through all the bad days, the days that I can’t handle the stress or just life and I’m about to start crying. I can feel God’s presence saying, “It’s ok. I got you.” The days that I am so drained, and I am in bed all day. God is there saying, “It’s ok. I got you.” I don’t have to feel guilty anymore for crying, being sick, and tired. One because I have a brain defect and two because God is carrying me through each day with every situation that is too difficult for me to handle. Whether it is mentally, emotionally, or physically challenging. God shows up for me.

I know I have so much to be thankful for. I was reading the Chiari page the other day, and someone posted that she was single, and she had two kids and she had two brain surgeries and a heart problem, she was not able to work, and she was on the verge of being evicted. I cried when I read that and of course, I prayed for her. I had one foot in the operating room and God stopped it. I didn’t know what was going to happen in that operating room, but God did. I have had a second and third opinions and I was told by both that I do not need surgery. I know He is working things out and He has a plan of healing and restoration for my life. So, I am going to wait on Him.

I have made some progress emotionally and mentally. I still have some work to do in those areas, but it is all in God’s timing. I have really been praying about what to do physically. I want to be fit and healthy. I have 100lbs to lose. God has been giving me baby steps to get there. It is a process. I was told a while back when I was going to the gym to “trust the process” which is great! However, God knows the process, so I trust Him.

He has been teaching me and showing me what foods to eat and what foods to stay away from. It is crazy, but I must eat a bowl of oatmeal with a banana, and some walnuts every morning. The mornings that I don’t, and I have eggs instead I end up having a bad day. When I say bad day, I am drained and so tired and in pain. I also found some products that are helping me to have more good days. I know and believe that God puts people and things in our lives that are going to help us. 

I have also started physical therapy which consists of dry needling. Dry needling is needles that are stuck deep into your muscles to help relax them. Usually, people use dry needling after an injury or car accident. My muscles are always tense, it never goes away. The physical therapist told me at my last visit that I would be doing dry needling for the rest of my life. I believe God has another plan. After my first visit, I was a mess. It was like all these feelings and emotions came back and there was more pain, too. I was crying and in my feelings for several days after the first visit. So, this week I went in for my second visit and I was upset. I didn’t know if I should continue with this because it caused more pain and emotions. Just when I thought I made some progress mentally and emotionally here I was struggling again. As she is sticking the needles into my shoulder muscle, I have tears rolling down my cheeks and I’m just asking God if this is necessary. He tells me that I have a sleeping giant on my back. It has been there for years and I have just got used to it and have learned to work around it. God needs it to wake up so He can deal with it and bring healing and restoration.

This sleeping giant that I have on my back from a physical aspect is caused by Chiari. However, there is a spiritual aspect as well. It is emotional trauma, pain, and hurt that I have held onto and it has taken up space in my physical body that in turn is causing all these health issues. It is what caused me to be stuck emotionally, mentally, and physically for years. So, for there to be healing in my physical body there must be emotional and mental healing.

About a year before I found out that I had Chiari, I started praying that God would catch me up spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Even then God was showing me that I was stuck in all those areas. I was treading water, stuck in the mud. I was not making any progress. I told myself that I want to be whole by the time I am fifty. I don’t want to be struggling in these areas when I’m fifty years old. I want to enjoy my fifties. I would have an anxiety attack every time I thought about how I was going to get myself to the place of being whole. Back then I had four years and it wasn’t enough time.  I have made more progress in the last ten months with God than I ever could on my own.

I know God has a plan for my life that includes healing and restoration. I know God is helping me not to settle for anything less than what He has for me and He will enable me to not lose heart if things happen more slowly than I would like. I surrender it all to Him. I commit to His ways so that I can be all that He created me to be.

For Jerusalem’s sake, I will not rest, until her righteousness goes forth as brightness. Isaiah 62:1

The righteous will live by faith. Romans 1:17